My husband's grandma passed away recently. She was 93 years old, and this May, she and my husband's grandpa would have been married for 70 years. My husband loves his grandparents very much. His devotion to his grandparents was one of the things that made me fall in love with him. In fact, in the almost five years that we've been together, my husband and I probably visited his grandma and grandpa in the nursing home more than any other relatives combined.
Anyway, my mother-in-law and her sister were responsible for the obituary that ran in the local paper. For some unknown reason, they didn't count my Andrew as a great-grandson. Granted, he's dead, unlike the other great-grandchildren. But when I read the obituary, I was so angry. It was like my MIL said Andrew didn't count.
I have many problems with my MIL. She's insensitive and clueless. She's self-involved. Normally, I tell my husband exactly what I think of her. But I decided not to mention this slight to my husband because he was grieving his grandmother's passing. It seemed like the right thing to do. But my husband later looked at the obituary. Andrew's omission made him cry, which made me even more angry. To my surprise, he called his mother. Normally, he doesn't confront her at all. She asked him if he liked the obituary, and he said no. He told her that there were 12 great-grandchildren, not 11. He said, "I had a son too." She repeatedly apologized and said that she and her sister had asked the funeral director how to handle Andrew's situation, and apparently he had said to not count Andrew. This seeemed like a half-ass explanation to me, like she was trying to shift the blame to a third party. Andrew was her grandson (her only grandchild), not his. Why there was even a question about whether to include Andrew? How long does one have to live to be included in my husband's family? I guarantee you that if one of my MIL's sister's 8 grandchildren, ranging in age from 1 to 10, had died, he or she would have been counted. Apparently living for 65 dies just doesn't meet the cutoff.
This experience just taught me that my MIL will never get me. I'm 24 weeks' pregnant right now with her second grandchild. Assuming that this baby lives (and that's a big assumption at this point), I think she will always view this baby as her only grandchild. But I will always have two sons, Andrew and his little brother. I will always count Andrew! He was my son, and I was his mother.
